What's New by Ean
This is the first edition of the Sicko newsletter. We put this together to keep people posted on what's coming up for Sicko and what stupid new self promotional stunts we're currently perpetrating.

The story begins in February, when we headed into the studio with Kurt Bloch to record "Laugh While You Can, Monkey Boy", and laid down 13 tracks in 2 days. Denny's sister Jill put together the artwork, and the fine product was released on June 10th with a super cool kick off party at the Crocodile cafe in lovely downtown Seattle. Northwest superstars Glazed, The Model Rockets and Cub opened up for us. What a cool night! We gave away 80 free drink tickets and played to one of the most enthusiastic Sicko crowds ever. We wore dark retro skinny tie suits looking VERY sharp, I might add...Vincent Vega would have been very impressed.

Midsummer saw us driving down the coast of California again, but for once, in a rental van. Ohmygod!What luxury! This machine had cruise control, air conditioning AND a stereo! This was extremely cool when driving through the 104 degree heat wave that was Sacramento. Josh and I had a great time learning to switch drivers while travelling at 80 m.p.h. on cruise control through LA. Denny was asleep for these hi-jinx, but I'm sure he was enduring awful nightmares. The highlight of the tour was hanging out in San Diego all day, driving up to LA to play a show at the Jabberjaw with indie rockers Chinchilla and Knapsack, loading out at 1 AM and driving straight home to Seattle. The trip takes about 17 hours, and we did it by sleeping in shifts and drinking record breaking amounts of coffee. Josh and I entertained ourselves for about 3 hours by harassing a yuppie driver guy in a Lexus... he would keep pulling up behind people, honk at them and motion with his thumb, yelling "move over! move over!", so he could pass them. We thought this was rude, so we chased him the whole way across Oregon, Beastie Boys blasting on the stereo, dark glasses on, synchronizing our four thumbs in various gestures yelling "move over! move over!". We also would pass this guy and make our Mecha Ghidora monster doll growl and shake his wings at him...I added some unique facial expressions for effect. This guy at first was so shocked that he just stared in disbelief, but after the 10th of 12th passing with Mecha Ghidora in full effect, he was screaming "fuck you!" at us.

What a great drive. We made it home alive (mercifully) and headed right back into the studio to record our next record, "Chef Boy R U Dum", again with Kurt. The session went pretty well, we got a bunch of cool new songs, and a new appreciation for Ritchie Blackmoore, as Kurt brought in his Deep Purple rockumentary video tape. In fact, Ritchie makes an appearance on the record, saying a few words of wisdom just before it starts, and just after it ends. Things have been pretty mellow for Sicko since this time, we've just been practicing and planning our next tour... slated for this spring.

Essential Activities For The Budding...

Dateless Losers' Club by Josh
It can be a depressing time; no one to call your own, feelings of loneliness, blah blah blah. That's why you need good, semi-constructive activities to occupy your time. First on your list should be to establish a Dateless Losers' Club. This isn't really hard; chances are you have many friends who are unable to maintain lasting relationships and are continually drifting in and out of dateless loserdom. Pick a core of people and then ORGANIZE. Noam Chomsky said it best, "Being alone you can't do anything. All you can do is deplore the situation. But if you join with other people, you can make changes." (Secrets, Lies and Democracy, p.105-106, 1994) The following is a list of activities for your budding Datless Losers' Club:

1. Talking Shit: in establishing a Club of any kind, group cohesion is essential. A good place to establish it for your Dateless Losers' Club is in the area of Ex-'s. The feeling of bitterness about the breakup of the last relationship will be something all of you can relate to. It's best to get the insults flying early in your first meeting as it facilitates activity number two.

2. Drinking: being drunk is good for a number of reasons. It lowers inhibitions which leads to lively exchanges of ideas, it gives you something to do with your hands, and it gives you that false sense of self esteem. Something which has no doubt been damaged by the lack of someone else telling you you're OK.

3. TV: essential - negates the need for a real conversation between the members of your club - your focus can be the TV. Being drunk and yelling insults at the television (maybe even relating the insults to your past relationships) is a good start.

4. Fieldtrips: once the club has been formed and some sense of identity has been established, it's often a good idea to plan trips to local watering holes. This is important, especially in the early years of your club as drinking must be maintained and there's usually a TV to watch. It also gets you out of the house. This adds to that false sense of self esteem. It is possible to move on to things like movies and trips to the Zoo for more advanced Dateless Losers' Clubs. Try these techniques out and let us know how you're doing, we love to hear how the chapters of the Dateless Losers' Club are expanding and improving. We'll print suggestions of new things for our clubs to do if you send them to us. Good luck!

Josh's email: sicko@ix.netcom.com
Ean's email: voodoo@eskimo.com
Empty Records (our record label): empty@eskimo.com
Lobotomy Talent (our booking agent): lobotomy@halcyon.com


Addresses
This is a listing of all the organizations mentioned in this newsletter. Get ahold of us, we like to hear from you!

eMpTy Records
PO Box 12034
Seattle WA 98102
ph:(206)706-9088
email: empty@eskimo.com

Top Drawer Records
1912 Franklin Ave E
Seattle WA 98102-3613
ph: (206)328-7459
email: voodoo@eskimo.com

Lobotomy Talent Group
ph: (206) 270-9644
email: lobotomy@halcyon.com

Real Cool Records
c/o Teichiku Records
Kho Bldg 4th Flr
3-14-16 Higashi Shibuya-Ku Tokyo 150 Japan
Attn: Kaori

Munster Records
Box 1807
Madrid 28080
Spain


Jobless Loser Tips by Denny
So here's my stupid column, a few weeks late and a few hundred words short. For six months this year I was living on unemployment and since you make barely enough money to survive you have to learn to enjoy doing nothing. Of course, this causes all sorts of problems when the money runs out. It can be pretty hard to look for a job when the only thing you've looked for in the last six months is a better show to watch. And then when or if you actually find a job, you just don't seem to have the time to get anything else done. With that warning against getting hooked on unemployment, I will now give you tips on getting by on it. The first thing you need to do is develop a bad T.V. habit. You've got to learn to appreciate shows like Matlock and In the Heat of the Night. They may not be very good but they're always on. The next and basically only thing you can do is learn how to cook. You gotta eat, right, and since you can't afford to go to restaurants anymore you might as well learn to make your favorite foods at home. Since almost everybody loves pizza, that's what I'm gonna start you out on.

First off you take one package of yeast and add it to 1 cup of warm water and 1 tablespoon of sugar. Mix it well and then let it sit for 10 minutes until it foams. Then you add 1« cups unbleached flour and mix that well. Now add 2 tablespoons Olive Oil and 1 teaspoon Salt and mix well. Finally add 1 more cup of flour a little bit at a time until the dough stops sticking to the bowl, at which point you dump it out on the table and start turning it inside out and adding flour until the whole thing isn't sticky anymore. Now cover it with a dish towel and move on to the other ingredients. You'll probably want to start heating the oven up to 500ø while you do the rest of this. I got the basic idea for this sauce from my roommate who used to work at Atlantic Street Pizza (best in Seattle) but she had no exact measurements for me so do it to taste. Start with a can of tomato paste and add some cooking sherry, worcestshire sauce, ground cayenne, and paprika and mix it up. Mince a few cloves of garlic but wait and sprinkle it on top of the sauce after you've spread it on the dough. Now you can grate some mozzarella and cut up any toppings you plan to put on the pizza. I always use cheap cheese because it's all gonna taste the same after being in a 500ø oven for 10 minutes. If you're gonna put any vegetables on your pizza, I'd suggest sauteing them in olive oil first or all the water will come out on top of your pizza. And for god's sake buy pre sliced pepperoni because cutting your own ain't worth the trouble.

Now it's time to put it all together. If you want thin crust cut the dough in half and put half in the fridge. Take the other half and smash it flat and either flip it or roll it out. I can't flip so I roll. If you don't have a rolling pin use a wine bottle or an empty 40oz* and roll it to whatever size pan you're using. It makes a good 12" diameter pizza. Lightly spread some oil on the baking sheet and put the rolled dough on it. Spread however much tomato paste mixture on it you want and sprinkle the garlic and whatever herbs you want (oregano and basil are good). Put the cheese on top of that and whatever the hell else you want on it. That's it. Put it in the oven and bake it up. If you've got any questions feel free to write. Next time will be vegetarian chili so stay tuned. *(Old English 800, Preferably)


Terrible True Tales of Tour:
The Legend of the Red Mouth by G. Money
The following is a true story. The names have been changed to protect the not so innocent. On a hot and steamy day in June Sicko played a club in a Midwest town. I was on tour with them as a photographer/roadie/mechanic and all-around grunt boy. I got paid in beer and free food. It was hell. In an unnamed Midwest town we stayed at the house of a larger than average girl who was into the dominance side of S&M. This info was provided to at no extra charge and without our asking. It scared us all pretty bad. I slept with Josh in the van that night. She had a friend named Cindy who met all of us prior to the show and said she'd be there. At the show I got drunk, the band got drunk, Cindy got drunk. The band played. I took pictures. All was normal. Later, following the show and more beer-for-all, Cindy got really friendly with me (touchy friendly, if you know what I mean). She told me that WE had been great, and did I have fun playing tonight? HUH? She thought I was in the band! How drunk was this girl? Drunk enough to want to get her hands on a member of Sicko (PRETTY FUCKING DRUNK). And drunk enough to not know she was settling for the roadie. So soon she was smearing her very red lipstick on my mouth and neck, etc. Things didn't go any further than that (a relief I assure you). And though she said she would drive to unnamed Midwest town #2 to see US play the next day I never saw her again. That's how I got the red mouth from my very first groupie.